As my departure from Danville approaches, I have begun to have the first of many "this is the last time I _______" experiences. Today I had a "last time" experience that was really hard for me... I went to my eye doctor for the last time. I know for most people, this wouldn't even be a blip on their radar, but over the last 8 years, my eye doctor and his staff have become a part of our extended family.
10 years ago this fall, I was diagnosed with uveitis, a rare eye disease that is sort of like arthritis, but in your eyes. In the last decade, I have seen over 15 doctors, and have had numerous surgeries and
laser procedures. I have put so many chemicals into my body as we try to figure out what combination of prescriptions would make my body stop hating my eyes. I have been poked with too many needles to count (ask
me about getting shots in my eyes sometime). And I have cried an Olympic swimming pool full of tears over how this disease has impacted my life. Over the last decade, this disease has impacted my life physically, emotionally and spiritually and has become a defining fiber of who I am. Because of this disease, I spent a lot of time wrestling with God about why this was happening to me and why, though I've prayed over and over for it to go away, he has yet to heal me of it.
Wrestling is hard and at times, painful, but I've learned that when you're finished, you have had a close, intimate encounter with the one you were wrestling with. That has definitely been true in my case. Through my wrestling, God revealed parts of his character that I never would have seen from a distance. Its almost like seeing something under a microscope for the first time. He taught me about His sovereignty, His heart for the broken, and His presence in my life (just to name a few). He also showed me where my weak points were and over and over, He reminded me that I am not strong enough to do everything on my own and that I am not in control. I now see that pain and hardship in life are not necessarily bad things, but they are opportunities for us to learn and be refined by God.
One source of life and safety throughout the life of this disease has been the doctor I saw today and his staff. I enjoyed my visits and felt confident that he knew and understood both the disease and my eyes to provide the care I needed. They also helped in lightening the financial burden of frequent doctor visits. It was hard to tell them I'm leaving. I don't know if I'll ever trust another man to stick needles in my eyeballs! But I guess part of moving forward means saying goodbye.
If you'd like to pray for me this week, please pray for my eyes, their health and for their ultimate healing. Pray that I find a new doctor in MD that will take good care of both me and my eyes.
